Well, I can’t tell you what a pleasure it is to see all of you today. And when I say that, I mean it’s a pleasure to see anyone, anywhere, not that I’m ungrateful to the State of California for its hospitality for the past 18 months with good behavior.

But it’s just great to see all of my camp parents again. Those were some good times we had, some very hot times. And when I say that, I mean it, since the last time I was around a camp it was on fire, and Mr. Voorhees was screaming, and may have been a little on fire himself.

Now, I think the court record proves that none of the problems that occurred at Camp Hindenburg were intentional but were a result of ignorance, lack of knowledge and, as the nice judge put it, “a Herculean level of stupidity most especially in regards to lighter fluid.”

And so I was sent away to summer camp re-education camp and I’m glad for the experience. There I learned there are more ways to skin a cat, as well as the fact that skinning a cat is not an acceptable camp activity. (I wrote that one down.)

Mostly what I learned was that there are camps for every kid, parent, need, desire, hobby and interest. Sports camps, academic camps, movie camps, college camps, camps where you ride horses, camps where you swim with the fishes. That’s why I’m grateful to the folks here at Kidsguide for allowing me to talk about all the options as well as throw a few suggestions your way.

My first suggestion is that you check out the pages of Kidsguide to find out what camp best fits your needs. There’s a camp section, but there are also camp suggestions attached to specific interests, all over the magazine. My suggestion is that you kinda flip through it and let it wash all over you. I know you’ll find something you’ll like.

Me? I’m just happy to give back to the community (service). Read on and learn from my mistakes. But, before we get started, anybody got a light? KIDDING! Here we go …

That First Camp Experience
Everyone remembers their first time: the giddy laughter, the fun activities and, in my case, sitting at a sewing machine for hours making knockoff Calvin Klein jeans with someone continually yelling “No one talks to Mike Wallace.” (Worst camp ever.)

Though today’s camps have become much more activity-specific and, well, fabulous, that first experience can set the tone for camps to come. So, when you make the decision to send your kids to camp, include them in the selection process. Find out what they like, what they want, and choose accordingly.

Once you’ve decided on a camp be sure that you know as many details about how the camp will be conducted and what your child can expect once there. In this case, surprises are not good. Once you’ve made the choice, be sure to reinforce what they’ll be doing at the camp so they don’t just feel dumped off. They should have some reasonable expectations as to what’s going to happen once they get there. Remember, when kids freakout it’s usually because they have no idea what’s coming next.

As to choices, if your child is young, like under 7, you want to think a while before sending them to sleep-away camp—we’ll get into more of that in the next section. For young kids, a day camp is usually a good place to start. It allows them the experience of getting away for a few hours with the comfort of going home. What’s also nice is that day camps offer the kind of familiar activity that breeds a safe and secure feeling for kids.

For example, something like the DiscoveryArts Camps in Orange County (714.545.1217) run through the Pacific School of Music and Arts. Younger kids are led in singing and dancing activities as well as arts and crafts projects and produce their own fairytale shows in costume. Older kids are allowed to put on their own musical productions. Each Friday, the kids show their parents what they’ve been working on, while the parents wonder why this kind of stuff isn’t part of the public school system anymore.

Likewise, the preschool camp at the Barbara and Ray Alpert Jewish Community Center in Long Beach (562.426.7601, Ext. 1092) is tailored to first timers and young campers. Designed specifically with children 2 to 4 years of age in mind, the camp provides a multi-media approach to facilitate social, emotional, physical and cognitive growth. Arts and crafts, music, stories, outdoor play and swimming are all offered but, more importantly, your kids feel safe because there are no older kids who might play a little rough.

The First Overnight Experience
When you decide your child is ready for an overnight camp—and this may come before they reach that same conclusion—you should follow the same procedure as far as letting your kids in on the selection process. One thing you should not do is feel guilty that you’re sending your kids away to camp. Though they may resist it, sleep-away camps allow children to grow in a safe atmosphere, and allow them to find out a bit more of who they are and what they are capable of without mom and dad always there ready to solve every problem.

One way to test your child’s readiness for overnight camp is to practice with sleepovers at a friend’s house. And when you do decide to send them away, know that a bit of homesickness is completely normal, but in the great amount of cases, temporary until they break out the good stuff like, I dunno, the horses!

Did we mention that one of our favorite overnight camps—and just about everyone’s, judging from how early parents make reservations—is the Rawhide Ranch (760.758.0083). Established in 1963, it’s a dream camp for horse lovers, which includes just about every kid. Located near Bonsall in northern San Diego County, a typical summer camp day features Western-style horseback riding, vaulting (gymnastics on horseback), animal and horse science classes, along with a variety of electives. The overnight program is coed and available to kids 7-15 years of age.

Now, you can get a little bit more specific and challenging with the likes of the Tallship Adventure Camp (714.970.8800) for kids 10-18 years of age. A camp like this offers a unique sailing and educational experience—just don’t mention the educational bit to your kids. Campers, well, sailors, spend five days aboard the ship and on Catalina Island. The program includes a visit to the Aquarium of the Pacific, a ride on the Avalon Glass Bottom Boat, and basic sail and navigation instruction, plus marine biology activities that include scientific testing and island discovery hikes, snorkeling, fishing, beach parties, swimming, nautical music/arts and many other exciting activities. (There are camps like this for adults, too. They’re called Club Med.)

If you’re looking for more choices, there’s always the good ol’ YMCA (check out Camp Oakes, Orange County's YMCA, Long Beach's YMCA and San Diego's YMCA). They’ve been doing the camp thing for years—well, decades—and offer tons of opportunities in local mountains—Big Bear and Julian—as well as on Catalina and in San Diego. Their camps range from the basic summer activities to horseback riding and surf camps.

The Family Camp Experience
Now, just after we get done telling you how great it is for the kiddies to get out on their own, we’re now going to tell you about camping with your kids.

Camping provides a great opportunity for families to get away and bond with each other. Camping takes you away from all that stuff that rings and beeps and records and lets you get to know each other. Don’t know where to go? Try visiting Reserve America, or call (800) 444-7275 to see what’s available.

Of course, when it comes to camping, you can start in your own backyard. Or you can camp with various recreation departments. Dig:

Lakewood Recreation and Community Services puts on a Family Camp at Mesa Verde Park with games, campfire and crafts.
562.866.9771, ext. 2408

Garden Grove Recreation offers two opportunities: Camping 101 at San Onofre State Beach and Atlantis Park Family Campout. (714.741.5200)

When you’re ready to strike out on your own you might think about the Catalina Family Camps with activities for both adults and children that include kayaking, snorkeling, horseback riding, fishing, or simply laying on the beach!

Or maybe head north to the green majesty of the Montecito-Sequoia Family Vacation Camp (800.227.9900). There are weeklong packages available amid the trees and the foliage and all that natural junk the granola-types talk so much about.

story continues in the next column!